Lonliness

So here I am writing again.. because i'm desperate.. and because I have no one to talk to. It's not like there's anything to talk about, it's just that I've been feeling really AWFULLY lonely these past few days.
My sister had finals, today was her last day :) and my best friend in the world is in Thailand. But the real reason why I haven't talked to them lately is not because they're not around or they're not here for me.. no bel-3axxx wallah!! they're really the BEST, and I consider myself lucky just to have them in my life.
It's just that those particular indivisuals are *I dare say* the STRONGEST girls I have ever known.. and I feel so silly talking to them about whatever is on my mind, because I know what they both are going through.. I know how much pain they're suffering at this time of they're lives. I mean they have enough issues to worry about already, I can't selfishly start complaining about my life like nothing else matters but me.
As I said, they have enough issues to deal with, and that's also another thing that just KILLS me.. watching your loved ones hurt like that, knowing that with every word they say they're hurting, that every smile they draw on they're angel like faces, is fake but they smile anyway because they wanna go through the day and that's the only way they know how to.
Yet another reason for my unlimited sadness, is that my vacation started a week ago and it ends next week.. I have done ABSOLUTELY nothing during this holiday.. My mother is being a PAIIN..... and she wouldn't let me go out with my friends, and a million other reasons that I just don't wanna start talking about right now.. it's partly because I dunno what to start with, but mostly because I know I'm gonna end up crying, and I also don't think that I will ever stop writing if I ever started. Another reason is that because simply there are somethings you just like to keep to yourself :).
Oh yeah, so I decided to decrease the amount of times I cry, I'm trying to control it LOL! I really hope it works out *sigh*..
And Last but not least, I just got off the phone with A. an online friend that I have known for AGES.. seriously I can't even remember since when, and she really is a sweet heart.. so yeah today was our first phone call, it really felt good :)

till next time,
xoxo.